By: Richelle Wenhem

Where there is great love, grief is often found close by. Grief is simply part of the cost of caring.

Read more: The Untold Story Of Grief: Our Friend

The doctor’s office was unusually quiet. It was a cool Monday morning. The fluorescent lights hummed softly overhead as I sat alone, waiting for answers about my unborn daughter.

In a matter of moments, everything I thought I knew about the future changed.

The words came gently enough. Down syndrome. Developmental concerns. Possible complications ahead.

Yet grief arrived like a truck travelling at full speed.

Not because there was anything wrong with my daughter.

Not because she was somehow less valuable, less precious, or less loved.

Quite the opposite.

The grief came because I suddenly realised I was letting go of the child I thought I was going to have. The future I had imagined. The expectations, dreams, and assumptions I didn’t even realise I was carrying.

All those expectations and ideals flew out the window like a sparrow on a hot summer’s day, gone in an instant.

I didn’t know it then, but this is one of the most common and human experiences for parents and carers. Before we can embrace a new reality, we often have to let go of the one we imagined.

So, when I sat down to write this for National Carers Week, I first thought about writing why I believe people living with disability are blessed, because they are. Then I thought about writing how churches can better support carers and parents of children with disability, because there’s always room for more understanding, prayer and practical support.

But every time I started writing, my thoughts returned to something else.

Grief.

I know, it sounds like a strange topic for National Carers Week.

Yet after eight years of caring, I’ve come to realise that grief may be one of the healthiest friends a carer can have.

The Cost Of Loving Deeply

In the first few years of my daughter’s life, I would often feel completely fine.

We did the appointments. The therapy sessions. The home programs. The specialist reviews. Then suddenly grief would rise within me like a rip current pulling me out to sea.

A difficult report. Another missed milestone. A new NDIS battle. After a few days, the waters would settle again and I’d be okay.

At first, I thought something was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I just move on? Why did grief keep returning?

But over time I realised grief wasn’t coming back because I was weak in my faith. It was returning because I loved deeply.

People often say to carers: “I don’t know how you do it.”

Yet the answer is actually very simple.

Love.

Whether you’re supporting a child through countless therapies and operations. Whether you’re helping someone who struggles to speak, eat, walk, see or remember. You do it because you love them.

Love compels us. Love shows up.

The Bible reminds us: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

And where there is great love, grief is often found nearby.

Most people think grief arrives after a funeral.

But carers know differently. Grief often lives quietly alongside us. Because grief is simply part of the cost of caring.

The Companion I Didn’t Expect: Grief My Friend

Then a grief counsellor shared something that completely changed how I view grief. Instead of viewing grief as an annoyance that we constantly push away, what if we allowed ourselves to sit with it?

What if we treated grief like an old friend?

At first, I hated the idea.

Who wants grief as a friend?

Surely the goal is to get rid of it. But the more I reflected on those words, the more I realised how much energy I was spending fighting grief.

Every time it appeared, I tried to distract myself, stay positive or move on as quickly as possible. Yet grief would always come back.

Eventually, I stopped seeing grief as an enemy and started seeing it as a messenger. Not a permanent house guest, but someone worth listening to. Because grief often points us towards the places where healing is needed.

As carers, I think this is one of the greatest lessons God can teach us.

We need to spend time with our grief. Not as victims. Not to stay stuck. But to acknowledge what is real. Sometimes that may look like sitting quietly overlooking the beach.

Sometimes it could be journalling for fifteen minutes.

Sometimes it was simply letting grief in, while I prayed.

The Psalms are full of this kind of honesty.

David wrote: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

God never asks us to pretend we are okay. He simply asks us to bring our hearts to Him.

The Grief Cycle Carers Know Well

If you are a carer, chances are grief doesn’t visit once. It comes in waves.

For me, it circles back again and again.

And even as I write this, we’re preparing for our daughter’s fifth eye operation.

However, this time, something has changed. Less than a year ago, I realised I had become stuck in survival mode. I remember telling a friend:

“I just can’t relax. I’m always waiting for the next phone call. The next piece of bad news.”

Living like that was stealing my joy.

But as I learned to sit with grief my friend, instead of fighting it, I found myself trusting Jesus more deeply.

Again and again, I handed my daughter back to Him.

Again and again, I admitted I wasn’t in control.

Again and again, I remembered that He loved her even more than I do.

The Peace I Never Expected

And recently, the thing I had been dreading finally happened.

Another eye surgery. But this time my response surprised me. The circumstances hadn’t changed. The risks hadn’t changed.

Yet my heart had.

For the first time, I truly experienced what Scripture describes as:

“The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

The peace didn’t come because everything was fixed. The peace came because I knew I didn’t have to carry everything myself.

God had not asked me to control the outcome. He had simply called me to walk faithfully beside my daughter through it.

So this National Carers Week, I want every carer to know this:

Your grief is real. It matters. It deserves attention.

But it is not something to fear.

It is not a problem to solve. It is not evidence of weak faith. It is not something to be ashamed of.

Sometimes, it is simply love revealing how deeply we care.

Like Job in the bible, we may find ourselves walking through seasons we would never have chosen. Yet God never abandons us in those places. Instead, He meets us there.

And when we allow ourselves to walk honestly through grief with Him, He can lead us somewhere unexpected.

Peace.

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You.” Isaiah 26:3

My prayer this National Carers Week is not that your caring journey becomes easier.

My prayer is that whatever grief you carry, you will discover the peace of Christ that surpasses all understanding. So that you can continue caring for your loved ones. One day at a time.

So, what next? This National Carers Week, my invitation is simple: make space for what you’re carrying. If you’re a carer, sit with your grief, pray through it, and allow God to meet you in it. You don’t have to carry it alone.

And for those supporting carers, let’s do more than say “thank you.” Take time to really see them. Ask how they’re coping. Listen without trying to fix. Pray without offering easy answers. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give a carer is the space to be honest about both their love and their grief.

Together, may we create communities where carers feel seen, supported, and reminded that they are never walking this journey alone.

Need Support? These Resources Can Help

Carer Gateway

Australia’s national support service for carers, offering free counselling, coaching, peer support groups, respite assistance, and practical resources. Call 1800 422 737 or visit carergateway.gov.au.

Carers Australia

Provides advocacy, information, and links to support services for carers across Australia, including guidance on navigating caring responsibilities and available assistance. carersaustralia.com.au

Your Local Church Community

Don’t underestimate the power of reaching out. A pastor, prayer group, trusted friend, or church family can provide encouragement, practical support, and a safe place to share honestly.

Luke14

Luke14 Australia exists to help churches become places where people with disability, their families, and carers belong and flourish. They offer practical resources, training, and encouragement for churches wanting to better support disability inclusion. Visit luke14.org.au.

Professional Christian Counselling

If grief feels overwhelming, consider speaking with a Christian counsellor through your local church network or a trusted Christian counselling service. Seeking support is a sign of wisdom, not weakness. Hopechristiancounselling.com.au

Lifeline Australia

If you’re feeling distressed and need immediate support, call 13 11 14 anytime, 24 hours a day. Carer Gateway also refers carers to crisis support services when needed.

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Article supplied with thanks to Rhema 99.7

About the Author: Richelle Wenhem is an announcer and content coordinator at Rhema 99.7, and mum of two children.

Feature image: canva.com