Single Christian? It’s Going to be OK

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By: Laura Bennett

Valentine’s Day comes and goes with very little fanfare for the unmarried, uncoupled or uninterested, but without fail it fills our feeds with content about the reality of modern relationships and what you’re up against if you want a healthy one.

This week a book landed on my desk: a Christian approach to “bringing your romance fantasies into the real world”. Then, I was sent an article on “heterofatalism” (we’ll get to that), got a link to podcaster’s theories on declining birth rates, was reminded having a boyfriend is embarrassing now, and suffered through ads for whatever they’re doing on the new season of Married at First Sight.

The dating world these days really is a complex one. Even in the Christian sphere, agreed upon boundaries of what we’re looking for, how to behave, views on intimacy and the value of marriage itself are seemingly dissolving.

After overcoming the hurdle of meeting someone online or in person, you have to assess whether their framework for dating and relationships is the same as yours: are they a Christian who’s dismissed “traumatic purity culture” or do they still see sex as “sacred”? What gender roles do they support? Do they value monogamy in dating? Are they interested in marriage or is it too traditional for them? Can we just have fun hanging out? You cannot assume anything.

As a church-raised teen, marriage was painted as the pathway to greater purpose, family, sex and experiencing God’s ideal relational framework. If you weren’t married, the implication was you should prepare yourself for an unfinished form of life: childless, untouched and alone.

However, once you reach 25 and don’t have a husband and four kids, there’s a world beyond the one you were told was coming that you can’t ignore and have to figure out how to handle. You find joy in singleness. You find some God-fearing women chose solo IVF, adoption or fostering to have kids. That not all “Christian” men and women are nice people who make ideal partners. That independence isn’t horrible, and that in our Western society a spouse may help in having financial security but isn’t a necessity. We haven’t even touched on the variety of views on sex.

It’s a newfound awareness that can work against us: if we don’t “have to” have marriage anymore, do we still want it?

Yes, there’s still the predominant norm of school, study, job, partner, kids, holiday but there’s a growing “rebellion” against that and less judgement allowed of those who defect. We can be lazy in dating because, well, what does it matter if it goes nowhere?

Which brings me to “heterofatalism” – a phenomenon contributing to aforementioned defection.

The term expands on scholar Asa Sersin’s original definition of “heteropessimism” reflecting the resigned experience of – largely women – dealing with their coexisting desire for a male partner and disappointment in the process of finding one. 

A few things need to be addressed here:

Can we ditch the idea that wanting a relationship is “embarrassing”?

You don’t need to overcome your very human, very God-given need for connection, community and companionship. It doesn’t have to be found in a romantic context, but it’s OK if you want it to be found there. Total self-sufficiency is not our end goal.

In “heterofatalism” there’s a read-between-the-lines suggestion that men are dropping the ball in the relationship equation.

I don’t want to exacerbate that narrative. For many reasons men – especially young ones – are having their roles in society redefined which, at its best, opens up space for inclusion and reflection but, at its worst, destabilises confidence and identity. Some guys do get things wrong in relationships. But us women do too.

As much as we’d like to believe these attitudes don’t affect the church and dating in Christianity is different, sadly they do and it isn’t.

Our feeds are filled with the same commentary, users on our apps ghost just as much, and we’re dating people who hear the same stories everyone else does about the changing relational landscape.

While we have the benefit of hope in a God who “ordained all our days before one of them came to be”, it also means we have bigger questions about why we haven’t met someone yet.

Unlike our “defeated secular counterparts” we can’t just blame “a terrible dating scene” for the husband we pray for still not being in our lives, or why one friend can meet their partner online in months and you can’t. Our answer to the (dumb, unnecessary and backhanded compliment) question of, “How are you still single?” feels dramatically existential.

We have to balance the fight in our minds between knowing it’s OK to be single, given some of the greatest biblical figures were – including Jesus himself – with the fact that God tells us He’ll grant us the desires of our heart and that for many that’s still marriage.

We live in a wait we don’t know will end: will our story be one of finding someone, or of accepting that not all prayers are answered in the way we want?

There’s no way of knowing for sure, and if you don’t see an end date to when you have to find this person by – first weddings happen at 50 friends – our hope only expires when we choose to let it.

What we do have control over is how we wait.

Will you engage in the life you currently have while you press forward in building another one?

Will you delight in the coupling of friends while you’re still single?

Will you commit to seeing purpose in what’s in your hands without wishing for what could be?

Don’t believe the lie that a single life isn’t fulfilling or rich with God’s goodness, but don’t also fall into the trap of idolising self-sufficiency. You have God-given inherent value just as you are, but it is OK to want someone romantically to share your life with.

Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.

About the Author: Laura Bennett is a media professional, broadcaster and writer from Sydney, Australia.

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You Don’t Need More Willpower – When Trying Harder Isn’t The Answer

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By: Simon Matthews

It’s 9pm. You’ve had a long day and you’re standing in front of your open refrigerator. You know you’re not hungry. You know you said you’d stop late-night snacking. But somehow, you watch your hand reach out for the ice cream or leftover pizza. 

Later, lying in bed, you get mad at yourself. “What is wrong with me? Why don’t I have more willpower?”

Here’s the truth that might surprise you—willpower isn’t your problem. In fact, willpower as we understand it might not even be real—or at least, not in the way we think.

The Story We Tell About Willpower

For most of us, willpower feels real. It’s the thing we’re supposed to call upon when temptation strikes—the thing that separates people who achieve their goals from those who don’t. When we succeed at something difficult, we credit our determination. When we fail, we blame our weak will.

This story is deeply embedded in Western culture. Ancient Greek philosophers talked about self-control. Medieval scholars linked willpower to moral character. Victorian thinkers saw it as the foundation of discipline and virtue. Even today, we admire people with an “iron will” and shame ourselves for lacking it.

The concept is appealing because it seems to match our subjective experience. When you don’t eat that second slice of cake, it feels like you’re flexing some internal strength. When you give in, it feels like that strength has failed. 

But what if that feeling is misleading? And what if the whole framework is wrong?

It’s Too Vague to Be Useful

Ask 10 people what willpower means, and you’ll get 10 different answers. Is it resisting temptation? Persevering through difficulty? Following through on a commitment? Possessing a good character?

This vagueness makes willpower a useless concept for change. When something can mean almost anything, it explains almost nothing.

Recent research suggests that what we call “willpower” is actually a collection of different mental processes—impulse control, persistence, emotional regulation, habit strength and more. There’s no single “willpower switch” to flip.

The “Limited Tank” Theory 

You may have heard willpower described like a muscle—it gets tired with overuse, so after a day of resisting temptations, you simply run out. This “ego depletion” theory was popular for a while, but studies have found little evidence for it.

What does seem to matter is what you believe about willpower. People who think willpower is unlimited show better self-regulation than those who think it runs out. In other words, believing your willpower is depleted can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

And the opposite is also true—believing you have bucketloads of willpower can help you. But it’s not willpower doing the heavy lifting; it’s what you believe about yourself.

The Blame Game

The thing I most dislike about the willpower story is that it places all the responsibility on you as an individual, while ignoring all the other things that influence behavioural change. 

I’ve been a psychologist for the better part of 30 years and one thing I’ve come to appreciate is how much the things around you matter—where you live, who you live with, the opportunities you have and the resources you have at your disposal. It all makes a difference.

Is it easier to avoid eating biscuits when they’re in a jar on your kitchen counter or when they’re still on the supermarket shelf? Is it easier to go to the gym when it’s two minutes from home or half an hour’s drive? Is it easier to change a habit when your friends are doing the same, or when they’re still doing what you’re trying to stop?

Your environment matters enormously. So do your skills and knowledge. So does whether the change aligns with what you truly value, not just what you think you should want.

When we frame everything as a willpower problem, we overlook these other factors. Worse, when we struggle—as we almost always do at some stage—we conclude that we’re weak or flawed, rather than recognising that the conditions for change weren’t in place.

This self-blame creates shame. And shame is one of the biggest barriers to meaningful change because it makes us less likely to seek help or be honest about our struggles.

It Doesn’t Explain How We Keep Things Going

Most successful behaviour change doesn’t feel like an act of will after a while.

When you first start exercising, it might require significant mental effort to get yourself to the gym. But after several months, it usually becomes automatic. That’s not because your willpower got stronger—it’s because you built a habit that matters to you.

Think about brushing your teeth. I’m certain you don’t use willpower for that. It’s become a stable routine, most likely paired with another routine—like what you do after breakfast or before you go to bed—and it communicates important information about who you are. Ie, I’m someone who looks after my teeth).

So if willpower isn’t the answer, what is? Modern psychology offers far more useful frameworks.

Understand Your Emotions

Many behaviours we might see as willpower failures are actually “emotional regulation” challenges. You’re not eating because you’re weak-willed; you’re eating because you’re stressed and haven’t learned other ways to comfort yourself. You’re not avoiding the gym because you’re lazy; you’re avoiding it because exercise triggers anxiety about your body, feelings of physical discomfort or because you worry about all the things you’re not doing while you’re at the gym.

When you learn to identify and work with your emotions—rather than ignoring them and trying to “will” yourself to act—change becomes much easier.

Redesign Your Environment

Make the healthy choice the easy choice. This is the principle behind “nudging”—making small changes to your environment that guide you toward better decisions.

Want to eat more vegetables? Put them at eye level in your fridge and pre-chop them so they’re ready to go. Want to read more? Put your phone in another room and leave a book on your coffee table or pillow. Want to save money? Set up automatic transfers on pay day so you just don’t see the money in your account. Small changes like this make new behaviours much easier.

Build Skill, Not Will

Sometimes what we call a willpower gap is actually a skill gap. You don’t lack the will to eat healthily—you lack the skill to cook or meal plan. You don’t lack the will to manage your money; you lack the skill to budget, or simply financial literacy.

Seeing change in this way gives you something to act on. Skills can be learned. But you can’t simply “will” yourself to have more will.

A More Compassionate Way Forward

The willpower story is seductive because it’s simple and because it aligns with a lot of societal, cultural and even religious messages we’ve been raised with. But it makes change feel like a moral test you’re always failing. It keeps you stuck in cycles of self-blame instead of solving problems.

The good news is you don’t need more willpower. Here’s what you need to do:

  • Address the emotions driving unwanted behaviours
  • Design environments that support your goals
  • Build habits that make good choices easier
  • Develop specific skills for specific challenges
  • Connect your actions to values that matter to you

This approach treats yourself as a whole person navigating complex circumstances, not as a moral failure who just needs to “try harder.”

So next next time you find yourself standing at the refrigerator at 9pm, instead of asking, “Why don’t I have more willpower?” ask, “What emotion am I trying to manage right now?”

Once you’ve answered that, then ask, “How else can I satisfy that need?”

Those questions will lead you somewhere useful—to greater understanding of yourself and your needs. The willpower question just leads to shame. And you know you deserve better than that.

Want To Know More?

If you’re interested in exploring these ideas further, here are some great books that challenge the willpower myth and offer practical alternatives to managing change in your life:

Atomic Habits by James Clear

Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg

Switch: How to Change When Change Is Hard by Chip and Dan Heath

The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal

Mindset by Carol Dweck

Article provided by Signs of The Times Magazine

Simon Matthews is a psychologist and leadership coach. He is a dual Fellow of both the American College and the Australasian Society of Lifestyle Medicine. He is an adjunct lecturer at Avondale University Lifestyle Medicine & Health Research Centre. He loves talking about his passions of travelling and cooking. He writes from Madrid, Spain.

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Revisiting Your New Year’s Resolutions – (Remember Those?)

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By: Bec Harris

It’s easy to start the new year full of enthusiasm for change. But by this time of year, many resolutions have fizzled.

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Biblical Perspective On Wealth and Prosperity

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By: Alex Cook

As a person of faith, I have always been intrigued by the biblical perspective on wealth and prosperity. It is a topic that often sparks debates and misunderstandings. However, by delving into the pages of the Bible, we can uncover a profound understanding of God’s intentions for money and how it relates to our lives. In this article, we will explore the role of money in the Bible, God’s intentions for wealth and prosperity, and address common misconceptions about money.

The Role of Money in the Bible

Money has always played a significant role in human society, and it is no different in the Bible. In fact, the Bible contains numerous references to money, wealth, and financial matters. From the Old Testament to the New Testament, we find stories and teachings that illustrate the importance of money in the lives of God’s people.

One of the most well-known passages regarding money is found in 1 Timothy 6:10, which states, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.” This verse highlights the potential dangers of money when it becomes an object of obsession and greed. However, it is crucial to understand that money itself is not inherently evil. It is the love and pursuit of money at the expense of one’s relationship with God and others that can lead to harmful consequences.

God’s Intentions for Wealth and Prosperity

Contrary to popular belief, God does not condemn wealth and prosperity. In fact, throughout the Bible, we see instances where God blesses His people with abundance and prosperity. However, it is essential to recognize that God’s intentions for wealth go beyond mere accumulation and personal gain.

God desires that His children use their wealth and prosperity to bring about positive change in the world. He calls us to be good stewards of the resources He has entrusted to us, using them to bless others and advance His kingdom on Earth. This means that wealth should never be viewed as an end in itself but rather as a means to fulfill God’s purposes and impact the lives of those around us.

Misconceptions About Money in the Bible

Unfortunately, there are many misconceptions about money in the Bible that have led to misunderstandings and even misinterpretations of scripture. One common misconception is the belief that poverty is a sign of godliness and that wealth is a sign of sinfulness. However, this view fails to consider the full counsel of the Bible.

While the Bible warns against the dangers of greed and the love of money, it also affirms the blessings that come from diligent work and wise stewardship. In Proverbs 10:4, we read, “Lazy hands make for poverty, but diligent hands bring wealth.” This verse highlights the importance of hard work and responsible financial management in achieving prosperity.

Key Biblical Principles for Managing Wealth

To effectively manage wealth and embrace God’s intentions for prosperity, we must adhere to key biblical principles. These principles provide a foundation for wise financial stewardship and guide us in making sound decisions regarding our money.

1. Seek God’s Kingdom First: In Matthew 6:33, Jesus instructs us to seek God’s kingdom and His righteousness above all else, and He promises that all our needs will be provided. This principle reminds us to prioritize our relationship with God and align our financial decisions with His will.

2. Practice Contentment: Contentment is a vital principle in managing wealth. In Philippians 4:11-12, the Apostle Paul writes, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” This verse encourages us to find satisfaction in God and be content with what we have, rather than constantly striving for more.

3. Be a Generous Giver: The Bible consistently teaches the importance of generosity and giving. In 2 Corinthians 9:7, we are reminded that “God loves a cheerful giver.” By generously giving to others, we reflect God’s heart and demonstrate our trust in His provision.

Examples of Biblical Figures who Experienced Prosperity

Throughout the Bible, we find examples of individuals who experienced prosperity as a result of their faithfulness and obedience to God. These stories serve as powerful reminders that God is not opposed to blessing His people with wealth.

One notable example is King Solomon, who was known for his wisdom and wealth. In 1 Kings 10:23, it is recorded that “King Solomon was greater in riches and wisdom than all the other kings of the earth.” However, Solomon’s prosperity was not solely for his own benefit but also to fulfill God’s purposes for Israel and bring glory to His name.

Another example is Joseph, who went from being a slave to becoming the second-in-command of Egypt. Through his wisdom and godly character, Joseph was able to navigate a season of abundance and a season of famine, ultimately bringing blessing to his family and the Egyptian people.

These stories remind us that prosperity is not an end in itself but rather a tool that God can use to accomplish His purposes in our lives and the lives of others.

Biblical Teachings on Generosity and Giving

Generosity and giving are recurring themes throughout the Bible. In fact, the Bible contains numerous teachings and principles regarding the importance of giving to those in need.

In Proverbs 11:24-25, we read, “One person gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly but comes to poverty. A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” These verses emphasize the principle of sowing and reaping, highlighting that as we give generously, we not only bless others but also open ourselves up to receive blessings from God.

Additionally, Jesus Himself taught about the significance of giving in Luke 6:38, saying, “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” This verse emphasizes the principle of reciprocity, assuring us that our generosity will be rewarded.

Balancing Material Wealth and Spiritual Well-being

While wealth and prosperity are not inherently sinful, it is essential to maintain a healthy balance between material wealth and spiritual well-being. The pursuit of wealth should never take precedence over our relationship with God and our commitment to living according to His principles.

In Mark 8:36, Jesus poses a thought-provoking question, “What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?” This verse serves as a reminder that true fulfillment and lasting joy cannot be found solely in material possessions. Our ultimate satisfaction and well-being come from knowing and walking in obedience to God.

Maintaining a proper perspective on wealth requires regular self-examination and a willingness to surrender our desires and ambitions to God. By prioritizing our spiritual well-being above material gain, we can experience true abundance and live in alignment with God’s intentions for our lives.

Practical Steps for Applying Biblical Principles to Personal Finance

Understanding the biblical perspective on wealth and prosperity is just the beginning. To truly embrace God’s intentions for our finances, we must take practical steps to apply these principles to our personal lives. Here are some practical suggestions for managing our finances in a way that aligns with God’s Word:

1. Develop a budget: Creating a budget allows us to allocate our financial resources wisely and prioritize what is essential. By planning and tracking our expenses, we can ensure that our money is being used in alignment with God’s principles.

2. Give generously: Actively seek opportunities to give generously to those in need. This can be through financial contributions, volunteering time and skills, or supporting charitable organizations. By giving, we reflect God’s heart of generosity and allow Him to use our resources to bless others.

3. Seek godly wisdom: Surround yourself with wise and godly individuals who can provide guidance and accountability in financial matters. Proverbs 15:22 tells us, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed.” Seeking wise counsel can help us make sound financial decisions and avoid unnecessary pitfalls.

Embracing God’s Intentions for Wealth and Prosperity

In conclusion, the biblical perspective on wealth and prosperity is a nuanced and multifaceted topic. While the Bible cautions against the love of money and the pursuit of wealth for selfish gain, it also affirms the blessings that come from diligent work, wise stewardship, and generous giving.

As followers of Christ, it is our responsibility to understand and embrace God’s intentions for wealth and prosperity. By aligning our financial decisions with biblical principles, we can experience the joy and fulfillment that come from living in alignment with God’s purposes.

Let us strive to be good stewards of the resources God has entrusted to us, using them to bring glory to His name and make a positive impact in the world. May we seek God’s kingdom first, practice contentment, and be generous givers, knowing that our true wealth lies not in material possessions, but in our relationship with Him.

For more articles and resources on managing wealth from a biblical perspective, sign up to our newsletter below and we’ll let you know as soon as we publish new content.

FAQs About Wealth and Prosperity in the Bible 

Does the Bible say money is evil?

No, the Bible does not say that money itself is evil. It teaches that the love of money can lead to harm, but wealth on its own is not sinful. What matters most is how money is used and where a person’s heart is focused.

Can Christians be wealthy and still follow God?

Yes, the Bible shows that God can bless people with wealth. At the same time, Scripture makes it clear that wealth should never replace God as our highest priority and must be handled with wisdom and faithful stewardship.

What does wealth and prosperity mean from a biblical perspective?

In the Bible, prosperity is not limited to financial gain. It includes spiritual growth, wise living, meaningful work, and the ability to bless others. Biblical prosperity focuses on using resources for God’s purposes rather than personal comfort alone.

Does the Bible promise prosperity to everyone who follows God?

No, the Bible does not promise that every believer will become wealthy. It promises God’s provision and guidance, but not guaranteed financial success. Prosperity is never presented as proof of spiritual maturity or God’s favor.

What warnings does the Bible give about wealth?

The Bible warns that wealth can lead people to trust money instead of God, distract them from spiritual priorities, and create imbalance in life. Scripture consistently teaches that dependence on material gain can weaken a person’s faith.

How should Christians view wealth according to the Bible?

Christians are called to view wealth as a trust from God. This means working diligently, practicing contentment, giving generously, and using financial resources to serve others and advance God’s kingdom. Faithful stewardship, not prosperity itself, is the biblical goal.

Article supplied with thanks to Wealth with Purpose.

About the Author: Alex is a licensed financial planner and the founder of Wealth with Purpose a Stewardship Ministry that helps Christians handle their money God’s way.

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Pokies, Sports Betting and Kids: How Gambling Is Harming Australians

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By: Bec Harris

Reverend Tim Costello, Chief Advocate for the Alliance for Gambling Reform, reveals the staggering scale of gambling harm in Australia. From pokies to sports betting, Australians are losing billions, and the consequences are devastating.

The Scale of Gambling Losses

Australia loses $32 billion each year to gambling, the highest per capita in the world. Tim explained: “The nation that comes second in gambling losses is 30% less than us. The world looks at us and asks, how did we allow this?”

Pokies account for $17 billion, sports betting $6 billion, with horse racing and greyhounds adding more. Even more shocking: “We have 20% of all the world’s pokies, but 75% are in pubs and clubs. Everywhere else, pokies are only in casinos.”

Unlike casinos, pokies are everywhere: in pubs, clubs, and even shopping areas. Australians often gamble unintentionally, with machines designed for predatory addiction.

The Impact on Families and Young People

The reach of gambling goes beyond adults. Tim highlighted a growing problem among youth: “Influencers are paid by the pokies industry to show how fun it is to feed cash into machines.”

Combined with 900 gambling ads a day on free-to-air TV, many children are absorbing adult gambling behaviours. “Eighty per cent of ten-year-olds now know the odds on AFL and NRL games,” Tim said. “The normalisation is devastating.”

What Can Be Done?

Advocacy is key. Tim outlined practical steps:

  • Pokies: Lobby state politicians. Each state has jurisdiction.
  • Sports betting: Contact federal representatives, especially the Communications Minister.

“Get boots on the ground. Send letters. Touch base with your politicians,” Tim urged. Western Australia sets a strong example, with no pokies in pubs or clubs and much lower gambling losses.

A Call for National Reform

Despite bipartisan support for a national gambling regulator, recommendations remain ignored. “We need to treat gambling as a health issue, not a sports issue,” Tim said. “Where there’s gambling in a family, there’s four times more domestic violence.”

Public support is overwhelming: 80% of Australians want gambling ads banned, yet action is lagging. “Politicians need to listen. The public has spoken,” Tim added.

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

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What Does It Mean to be a Man, Really?

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By: Joshua Newbegin

Recently I was at my friend Brendan’s house preparing for a camping trip. One of my favourite things is getting away for the weekend—escaping the hustle and bustle of modern life, immersing myself in nature and exploring new places with friends—with the boys!

We had a few jobs to do with the vehicles and equipment before we hit the road. As we headed out to the shed, Brendan said to his three-year-old son, “Jonty, do you want to come out to the shed with Josh and I to help us?” Without hesitation Jonty threw his arms in the air, sprinting flat-stick towards the shed, and shouted with delight, “Maaaan stuff!”

That memory brings a smile to my face as I think about Jonty’s joy. But it also makes me wonder—what exactly is “man stuff”? More importantly, what does it really mean to be a man?

Defining Masculinity

This question can seem somewhat provocative in our current cultural moment. What is a man? Is it merely the possession of an X and Y chromosome? And perhaps more importantly, what is it that makes a man great?

Sometimes it can help to define what something is by looking at what it’s not. It’s easy to recognise when men fall short of the mark, when they fail to meet society’s expectations. The term “toxic masculinity” is used to describe when a man sinks beneath the ideal. But are all forms of masculinity toxic? Is there an ideal version that’s missing from the world today? 

First, Failure 

How do we know when men have failed? Throughout history there have been numerous great men that we have looked up to as ideals. And yet, even the greatest among them were imperfect. Perhaps you can recall a public scandal—a presidential affair or an elite athlete brought down by substance abuse. 

These are public examples, but many failures happen in private: fathers who abandon their families; boyfriends who physically or emotionally abuse their partner; men who use strength or power to dominate or manipulate. 

At their core, these failings come down to a lack of self-control—abusing power and strength at the expense of others, typically the vulnerable. That’s what I mean when I use the term toxic masculinity: dominating those who can’t fight back. 

But to be clear, it’s not just a male problem—it’s a human problem. Toxic humanity. The depravity of the human heart. Ultimately it boils down to self-centredness, self-preservation, anti-love—or as we Christians call it, sin. This problem plays out in our natural makeup of either masculine or feminine, but the root issue is the same.

To dig deeper would be beyond the scope of this article so I’m going to focus on the masculine side, which raises the question: why does this happen? What leads to the downfall of men?

Peter Pan Syndrome

One reason many men struggle is because of a lack of solid masculine role models in their lives. Psychologist Jordan Peterson refers to this as the “Peter Pan” syndrome. Peter Pan is an eternal child—full of potential—and that’s the problem. Peter Pan never grows up. You can hardly blame him, though. His model of manhood is none other than Captain Hook—a dangerous man, driven by fear of his impending demise, spiralling into chaotic and violent madness. Hook is hardly a role model worth aspiring to. 

And so, Peter’s potential remains unrealised. Sure, he’s king of the Lost Boys, but that’s hardly something to strive for. He has the opportunity to connect with a real girl, Wendy, yet instead prefers the company of Tinkerbell, the fairy. Sadly, that’s not far from reality today—a generation of young men who’d rather stay home with the comforts of OnlyFans than take the risk of pursuing something meaningful—and risky—with a real woman. After all, a woman on OnlyFans is always available and won’t reject your advances.

Where Do I Look?  

The best example I’ve found of healthy masculinity is none other than Jesus of Nazareth. This might surprise some, especially because of effeminate artistic depictions of Him throughout history. Despite this, I would argue that Jesus is the epitome of what it truly means to be a man.

Jesus was a first-century Middle Eastern tradesman, a countercultural revolutionary and a fearless man full of passion and empathy. He was a teacher, but also a voice for the voiceless and oppressed. He wasn’t petty. He was humble and patient, able to absorb cruelty without retaliation. Yet when it came to the oppressed, He was relentless—a defender of the defenceless and a liberator of the burdened. 

Jesus was a man in the truest sense of the word. So, what empowered Him to be the man He was?

He Who Has A Why

One of the defining features of Jesus’ life was His purpose. Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl once wrote, “He who has a why can push through any what.” In other words, having a clear purpose is vital for men to thrive—especially when navigating the inevitable obstacles and difficulties of life. Frankl observed that in the Nazi concentration camps, men who lost their sense of purpose were the first to crawl up in the corner and literally die. 

You may not be immediately threatened with death but without purpose, you’ll likely pursue pleasure—pleasure to distract yourself from the pain that comes from a meaningless life. Without purpose, you remain a boy, attempting to avoid the challenges of becoming like the men you once admired or have come to despise.

Throughout history, men have taken a stand when they had a clear “why”. Purpose enabled and transformed boys into men. From that foundation of a clear purpose flow courage, bravery and service.

Power Under Control

Being a man isn’t just about strength—it’s about strength under control. In the words of author Ty Gibson, “True masculinity is power under (self) control. It can then flash forward when it’s needed to defend the defenceless, but always under the control of righteousness and love.”

That’s true masculinity. It takes far more strength to control our temper than to fly off the handle in a fit of rage. It takes far more strength to serve than to be served. True masculinity is power under control—power to protect, power to serve, power to empower. When that power becomes self-serving and self-centred, it crosses into the realm of toxicity. 

In the words of 19th-century writer Ellen Write, “The greatest want of the world is the want of men—men who will not be bought or sold . . . men who will stand for the right though the heavens fall.”

Throughout history great men have stood against tyranny, liberated the oppressed, defended the powerless and sacrificed themselves for the good of others.

Strength in Numbers

One of the most detrimental misconceptions I held growing up was the belief that being a man meant going at it alone—suffering in silence. As I’ve matured, I’ve learned how detrimental that idea is. The truth is, it’s a sign of strength to ask for help. Motivational speaker Les Brown once said, “We ask for help, not because we are weak, but so that we can remain strong.”

In a world full of chaos, we need men who will stand—men willing to grow up, who will move on from Neverland and step into a life of purpose. The world needs men who not only live up to their potential but empower others to live up to theirs—not for their own glory, but for the greater good of everyone they encounter. 

It’s time for men to become more like Jesus.

This article is supplied with thanks to Signs of The Times

Joshua Newbegin is a coach, minister and communicator passionate about helping people grow through clarity, courage and connection. He is the founder of Kaizen Coaching Solutions and host of the Unchained Brotherhood podcast.

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