By: Michelle Nortje
Most of us would rather do anything than sit with painful feelings. We scroll, snack, overthink, or keep busy, because sitting with sadness, anger, or shame can often feel unbearable.
By: Jenifer Chu
We’ve all heard it: we are currently living through a “loneliness pandemic.” It sounds heavy, and it feels heavy. Even if your phone is blowing up with notifications, it’s still possible to feel like you’re drifting on an island.
We talk to people every day who feel that quiet ache of isolation. Usually, the advice is to “call your mom” or “go on a date.” But there is a massive, underrated secret to feeling connected that doesn’t involve a three-hour heart-to-heart: The Power of Weak Ties.
In the 1970s, a sociologist named Mark Granovetter realized that our social lives aren’t just made of “BFFs” and “Family.” We also have “Weak Ties”—the people in the lobby, the dog park, or the office kitchen.
Think of your Weak Ties as your “Casual Cast of Characters”:
They aren’t the people you’d call to help you move a couch at 6 AM, but they are the people who make you feel like you belong to the world.
You might think these 30-second interactions are “pointless,” but they are actually micro-doses of social caffeine. Here’s why they kick loneliness in the teeth:
You don’t need to be a social butterfly to do this. You just need to be 10% more present.
At Centre for Effective Living, we know that deep relationships are the bedrock of a happy life. But don’t sleep on the “little guys.” Those small, casual “hellos” weave a safety net that keeps us from falling into the gap of loneliness. So, next time you’re at the checkout, skip the self-scan. Talk to the human. Your brain will thank you.
Article provided with thanks to Centre For Effective Living
Jennifer MPsych (Clinical), PGDip ClinPsych, BA(Hons – First Class) is a psychologist who understands that a good therapeutic relationship is the starting point of any meaningful work with her clients.
Feature image: Canva
By: Michelle Nortje
Chronic pain can be a debilitating and arduous experience. However, I have a few clients who have been inspirational to me, in how they have faced up to these challenges with awareness, curiosity and grace. Despite what can feel like never-ending discomfort, mental well-being and hope can still be possible.
Chronic pain is pain that lasts for longer than three months, or beyond the usual time it takes for tissues or injuries to heal. It might begin after an injury, illness, or surgery, or sometimes with no clear starting point at all.
Importantly, chronic pain is not just a signal of tissue damage. Over time, the nervous system itself can become more sensitive, meaning the brain and body stay on “high alert,” even when there is no ongoing injury. Pain, in this sense, becomes a learned and reinforced experience within the nervous system.
This doesn’t mean the pain is “imaginary”! Chronic pain is very real, and it reflects changes in how the brain, nerves, muscles, and stress systems interact.
Chronic pain doesn’t exist in isolation. It often becomes tightly linked with mood, energy, sleep, and motivation.
Many people notice that over time:
This creates a loop:
Pain → less movement and pleasure → lower mood → heightened pain sensitivity
The encouraging news is that this loop can be interrupted. Gently supporting the nervous system can reduce pain intensity, increase confidence in the body, and improve quality of life.
These practices are not about “getting rid” of pain or pushing through it. Instead, they aim to calm the nervous system, reduce reactivity, and help the body relearn safety.
Even a few minutes a day can make a difference.
Mindfulness for pain is not about ignoring pain or trying to make it disappear. It’s about noticing sensations with curiosity rather than fear.
How to practise:
Why this helps:
Mindfulness reduces threat signalling in the brain and helps separate pain from suffering. Research shows it can reduce pain intensity, distress, and depressive symptoms.
The brain responds to imagery in much the same way it responds to real experiences. Visualisation can be a powerful way to signal safety to the nervous system.
How to practise:
Why this helps:
Visualisation can reduce muscle guarding and calm the stress response, which often amplifies pain signals.
When pain is persistent, it’s common to either avoid movement altogether or push too hard on “good days.” Both can increase flare-ups.
How to practise:
Why this helps:
Regular movement reassures the nervous system that the body is safe, reduces stiffness, and improves mood and confidence over time.
How we speak to ourselves during pain matters. Threat-based thoughts (“This will never end,” “My body is broken”) increase nervous system arousal.
How to practise:
Why this helps:
Self-compassion reduces stress hormones, lowers emotional distress, and supports emotional resilience, all of which influence pain processing.
Living with chronic pain can be exhausting and isolating. But pain is not fixed, and the nervous system remains changeable throughout life. Small, consistent practices that support safety, awareness, and self-kindness can gradually reduce pain intensity, improve mood, and help you reconnect with your life, even if pain is still present.
Support from a psychologist, physiotherapist, GP, or pain-informed therapist can further tailor these approaches to your unique experience. Contact the Centre for Effective Living for further support or questions. Some other helpful websites include Pain Australia and PainHealth.
Feature image: Canva
By: Michelle Nortje
Choosing Books That Meet You Where You Are…
As an avid reader, I often catch myself scrolling through articles suggesting what I should read next:
“Top 10 books everyone must read,”
“Classics you can’t miss,”
“Books that will change your life.”
However, I sometimes find myself struggling to get into the book at that time, or not quite connecting to the characters. I’m sure you’ve also had the experience of picking up a highly recommended book and finding it hard to read, emotionally flat, or even overwhelming. I have been reflecting on this process for a while now, and I don’t think this means the book is bad, and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me or you! It may simply mean that the book doesn’t fit where we are right now.
Reading is definitely not a neutral activity. When we open a book, we enter into a relationship with it. Books ask things of us: attention, imagination, emotional openness, and sometimes the willingness to sit with complexity or pain. Choosing a book thoughtfully can be a gentle way of practising self-reflection and self-attunement.
So I have decided that this year, rather than asking “What’s a good book?”, it might be more helpful to ask: “What kind of book would support me at this current moment in my life?”
Before choosing your next book, I would therefore like to suggest taking a moment to pause and reflect on a few simple questions first.
Some books require emotional stamina. While others are more restful.
You might ask yourself:
When our capacity is low, a demanding or emotionally heavy book can feel like too much, even if we would enjoy it at another time.
Instead of focusing on genre or ratings, rather consider the feel of a book.
Do I want something that feels:
The descriptions or reader tags (like those on Goodreads and The StoryGraph) are helpful here, but because they give a descriptive sense of the emotional weather of a book.
Different books offer different kinds of nourishment and can help fill up our cup in different ways.
You might be looking for:
There’s no “right” reason to read. Needs change, and so can reading choices. Attuning to your needs more intentionally can help you find a book that is a better fit.
At times we long for:
At other times, we may feel ready for:
Both of these focuses are valid. Paying attention to this can prevent unnecessary frustration or self-criticism when you just can’t finish a book!
One of the kindest things you can give yourself as a reader is permission to stop reading a book that no longer feels right. Putting a book down is not a failure. It may simply mean that this book doesn’t meet you where you are right now. You can always return to it later (or not at all!).
Choosing books in this more emotionally attuned way mirrors a broader emotional skill of noticing your internal state and responding with care. Just as we learn to pace ourselves emotionally, we can also learn to pace our reading lives. When we choose books with this kind of awareness, reading becomes less about achievement and more about our relationship with the story and with ourselves. In this way, reading becomes a quiet way of listening to ourselves.
In therapy, we often notice that the stories, books and poems people are drawn to can reflect emotional needs, unanswered questions, or a longing for understanding and connection. Bibliotherapy is one way of working with this process more intentionally, using books and stories to support self-awareness, emotional regulation, and meaning-making. If you’re curious about how therapy might help you better understand your inner world, develop greater self-attunement, or find steadier ways of caring for your wellbeing, you’re very welcome to enquire about seeing one of the psychologists here at The Centre for Effective Living. We’d be glad to explore what support might be most helpful for you.
Feature image: Canva
By: Thomas Cheeseman
Most of us think of sleep as something we “decide” to do — we go to bed, close our eyes, and hope sleep arrives.
By: The Centre for Effective Living
With the announcement of Man of Tomorrow, the sequel to Superman (2025), the internet continues to respond to what Superman represents in today’s world.
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By: Johanna McCarthy
As a psychologist, I often talk with clients about the different ways people process their emotions. Read more
By: Nicola Hodreng
For many years, self-esteem was considered the holy grail of mental health. If we could just feel better about ourselves, we would be happier, healthier, and more resilient.
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By: The Centre for Effective Living
It’s almost a cliché that therapists want to ask about your childhood. But have you ever wondered why we’re so interested?
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