Rebecca St. James & Cubbie Fink Get Honest About Life After “I Do”
By: Laura Bennett
Holding a dream to get married can seem like a vain hope when culture’s increasingly shedding Christian dating ideals.
For singer Rebecca St. James and husband Cubbie Fink their meeting was hard won, but what came after “I do” was equally challenging.
Growing up as the daughter of Australian music promoter David Smallbone and mum Helen, Rebecca started touring at 13 – with her career laying the foundation for brother Luke and Joel’s later success in For King & Country.
Performing was amazing, but Rebecca’s “main dream” was to fall in love and have a large family of her own.
“The desire for it was strong my whole life,” Rebecca said.
“As soon as I could go, ‘Oh my Mum’s got a cool job as a mum, this looks amazing’ I was thinking of [being a mum].”
It wasn’t until Rebecca was 32 that she met Cubbie, the bassist for American indie-pop band Foster the People (Pumped Up Kicks).
Cubbie was living in Los Angeles enjoying the successes of the band, when multiple friends told him about this “new girl” Rebecca who’d joined their philosophy group.
After years doing mission work in South Africa and carrying the heartbreak of a past relationship, Cubbie dreamt of starting his own family, but it didn’t seem likely in LA.
“The ideal of [the Christian] women I was holding out for became less and less of an attainable reality,” Cubbie said.
“It just seemed to not exist.
“There was an edging away of that hope.”
At a party in LA “of all places” the pair met, with eyes meeting across the room in a way Cubbie can only describe as cinematic.
“Time did stand still,” Cubbie said.
“We spent the whole night talking and knew we’d found something special.”
What happened next is part of what Rebecca and Cubbie share extensively in their book Lasting Ever, a journey through music, faith, family and being found by love when you’re at a loss.
As a “geriatric” mum Rebecca knew falling pregnant could be difficult, but after their first child was conceived easily, they experienced multiple miscarriages.
“The dream felt very threatened,” Rebecca said.
“For me to fall pregnant in my mid-thirties [with our first] and for it to go so well, I thought ‘we’re good’ [but] I struggled when I miscarried just going, ‘what does this mean for my dreams about what family life would look like?’”
For Cubbie it was equally distressing.
“As a man there’s a natural inclination to want to do something to help,” Cubbie said.
“But there’s very little you can do other than emotionally care for, and support her, through the pain.
“It struck me pretty deep to the core, and was incredibly devastating.”
The miscarriages came at a time when fallout from Cubbie’s “traumatic parting of ways” with Foster the People was also being felt, and his mother was dealing with illness.
“Everywhere we looked the landscape of our lives was challenging,” Cubbie said.
“We couldn’t really see a way out, and the thing that made that season most challenging for me was that it was marked by silence [from God].
“It was the first time in my life where I was really forced to live by faith.”
The fact they’ve been able to hold onto their faith is something Rebecca and Cubbie hope encourages other couples.
“I came into a place of knowing God’s got me no matter what,” Rebecca said.
With three kids now, 11, six and four, Rebecca’s especially “thankful for the miracle of what God did because it was unexpected for both of us”.
They’ve “weathered some things” and it’s only deepened their initial connection.
“Life, when you’ve been married for a long time and you’ve been through some things, it just gets sweeter,” Rebecca said.
“There’s a sweetness in that longevity. It’s almost like [the initial attraction] deepens and widens.”
Eventually they moved into a “spring season” with Rebecca releasing new music, the Smallbone family working on Unsung Hero and Cubbie finding new creative endeavours, but Cubbie stresses you can’t force your season to change.
“It’s too easy in those winter seasons to just look to the thing that’s going to make you happy [to] draw you up,” Cubbie said.
“But you’ve got to be patient and wait for the slow blossoms [to] start to grow on their own.
“Because it’s really only the Holy Spirit that can cause that kind of growth, and cause a change of season.”
Rebecca St. James’ and Cubbie Fink’s book Lasting Ever is out now.
Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.
Feature image: Publicity Image Supplied
About the Author: Laura Bennett is a media professional, broadcaster and writer from Sydney, Australia.
